how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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