she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
