Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
