i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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