there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
