he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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