so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
