Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
