people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
