i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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