Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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