out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
