I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
