Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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