i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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