If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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