I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
