if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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