Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
