Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
