Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
