I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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