honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
