Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
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Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
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His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize