The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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