Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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