he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
