DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
