You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
