If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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