Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
