We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
