there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
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You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
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I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am available for nakedness
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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