She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
