i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
