Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
