Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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