The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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