I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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