He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
