so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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