I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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