Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
