I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
