kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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