Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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