are you still at the devil's house?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
