I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I looked at my own cervix.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
