pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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