The maid of honor just puked.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
