I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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