You smell like a Billy Joel song
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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