He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
