College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
