i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
