gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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