You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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