He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
