Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
