he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
