I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Acid is not a monday night drug
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
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