So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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