When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
