the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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