GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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