If that was your dad, he is hot
well I can't set my house on fire every night
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Thank you for not boning my boss.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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