yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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